They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
