He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i dont even know how to be here
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
