You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
