that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
