don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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