I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
