i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
