There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
