I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
