No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
