he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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