so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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