I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
