If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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