honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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