So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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