im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
