I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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