I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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