Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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