id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
