I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
