God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
