I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this just has baby written all over it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
