jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
