Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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