Yo dont text me then not text me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
