I'm lost and stupid without you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
