How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
