Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
