I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The uberlube is also flammable
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
