Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im holly from the hills drunk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
