I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
