end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize