The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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