So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
