I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
