I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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