I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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