$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
