I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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