We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
