Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
