Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize