Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
