She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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