last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
