Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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