you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
