I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
