i just google imaged poop.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
