no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize