I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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