So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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