I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
