this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want nice things and good sex
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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