glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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