Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
