I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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