who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
