**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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