I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
