That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
