ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
