Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
