i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
