i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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