and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
