just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
that may or may not have been my penis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
