I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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