so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
